Still totally full of diarrhea and possibly the pukes so I’m taking this opportunity to eat all the things that highly upset me usually since you know, it’s gonna come straight out. Goddamn I’m a smart motherfucker.
Nuggets of Wisdom from My Mother
Upon telling her that my doctor said my pussy was too tight and needed to be loosened, this is the glorious sentence that came out of my mother’s mouth:
“Well what in the hell does she want you to do, put a fucking shoe horn up in it and stretch the motherfucker?!?”
Awkward Physician Compliment
Today my gynecologist told me in order to perform a vaginal hysterectomy on me, I needed to loosen up my vagina because it was too tight.
I don’t understand. I have slept with half of Jackson County.
I make sure my mama hears it at least once a day now. I didn’t tell my dad I loved him the night before he died and I will regret that forever.
I have a major crush on Hal Sparks because obviously and also obviously.Hal Sparks | You’ve been saying those phrases backwards. Now, stop it. (x)
